I am KRIZZA, and have been for almost 17 years now. I've been dealing with the death of my best friend since November 14th 2007. It's a lengthy story, but I need advice. That Wednesday I was very excited for The Blue Man Group concert I was going to that night with the school Band. So after school I got the usual call from my best friend Jake, at the exact time he called every day (3:30). You see, he lived 3 hours away so we didn't get to see each other. We used to date until he moved and then we decided to not try the long distance thing. I talked to him while I packed my bag to stay the night at my friends after we got back. I had to leave the house by 5 to get to the school on time. So I rushed him off the phone way earlier than usual. He wished me a good time and said goodbye, however I didn't bother to say goodbye, and hung up.

The concert was great, and back at my friends I was in good spirits. I called Jake like he asked me to do just to make sure I made it home okay, he always worried about me. However, he didn't answer. I shrugged it off thinking he'd fallen asleep. The next day we had no school, I called Jake 14 times, and left 4 voicemails. He always used to answer. At school Friday I couldn't concentrate at all, it had been two days.. I became furious thinking he was ignoring me. Rage turned to fear and I couldn't keep away the many different scenarios running through my head. All bad. Saturday came, no call. I turned down many offers to hang out, knowing I'd be no fun.

While I was lying in bed reading a magazine, my phone rang. "Jake Calling" I quickly answered making sure I said hello as fast as possible so he could explain sooner. You can imagine my surprise to hear his brothers voice instead. He sounded sad, definitely upset. I tried to keep the thought that he might be really hurt from taking over. No use. His brother proceeded to explain to me that on Wednesday Jake and his best friend Adam, went out for Chinese. Jake was driving the speed limit not doing anything wrong. He was always responsible, wearing his seat belt, music low, and both hands on the wheel. I always envied his perfection. A truck was going too fast towards the intersection, Jake aparently didn't think anything of it since there was a stop sign on the trucks road. The truck struck the passenger side, and killed Adam instintly. They say Jake was concious for a while. The guy driving the truck called the police, and waited. By the time the cops arrived Jake had died too. The guy in the truck was not drunk, but stupid. He went to jail for a year. However, justice has not been served.

 I had sunk into a depression, I stopped eating, not because I wanted to hurt myself, I just never thought about eating. I was too sad to even take care of myself. After a week of no food, I tried to eat, but my stomache had gotten so used to not eating I couldn't keep anything down. A week after that I was hospitalized where they fed me through a tube until I was better. Yet I was still depressed. I wasn't my usual self, talkitive loud and outspoken self. I lost friends during the next few months. But it never mattered because I just wanted my Jake back.

Some friends were there for me, but some weren't. I did a lot of learning for a long time. But even now a year and a half later I fall asleep with the necklace he gave me around my neck, his sweatshirt on, and my arms wrapped around the only picture I have of him ,with tears in my eyes wishing for him back. I've lost many people close to me before, and after a while I healed and I would smile to think of the memories we made together. But I still cry to think about the nights Jake and I lied awake talking until we couldn't keep our eyes open, and seeing his smile. I just want this feeling that I'm alone to go away, I want to be happy, strong, and unafraid.

But without him, I don't feel like myself. To ease the pain, I turn to drugs and alcohol. Just last weekend though I got caught drunk driving. I got out of trouble with the law, but I feel like I've let my dad down, he can't trust me anymore, and I feel like he doesn't love me because I made a huge mistake. It's at times like these that I wish I beieved in god, I envy those who do, to have faith, meaning, purpose. But understand that I cannot make myself believe. No matter how hard I want to. I want this pain to end

"stop JUDGING, that you may not be judged.

For as you judeg, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you messure will be measured out to you.

Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother,

"Let me remove that splinter from your eye, " while the wooden beam is in your eye? You HYPOCRITE, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye."

in other words

A parody of "not passing judgement" goes this way, "Don't judge because you are not a Judge (that is, of the court).

Or another, "Don't judge anybody, because he/she is not a book" (from: Don't judge the book by its cover).

Not passing judgement is always a ticklish matter. Does it mean for example being tight-lipped in the face of evil or wrong? A distinction should be made between judging the act of the person and judging the person per se.

Judging the act, which in most cases is bad or wrong, is making the other realize the social consequyences of what he/she has done. purpose is to correct. Even Jesus mentions fraternal correction as a social responsibility. Even here, we are cautioned to be slow in judging in order to avoid blunders.

Judging the person, which in all cases generalizes a person as bad. Every person has a good side and a bad side. Unfortunately it is the bad side that gets much of the flak. It's like missing the whole paper because of one black dot. Human eyes tend to see the negative before the positive, the evil before the good.

To avoiud being hypocritical, R. Stevenson has these words to share,

"THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD IN THE WORST OF US, AND SO MUCH BAD IN THE BEST OF US, THAT IT ILL BEHOOVES ANY OF US TO SPEAK ILL OF THE REST OF US."

- Fr. Joe Mirabueno, SVD (Sablyan, Occ. Mdo)